November 2018 - Presley's Diary

    • Wednesday, November 28, 2018

    I am So Proud of My Son

    1:45 PM 0
    I am So Proud of My Son


    Have you ever heard of a 6th grader going an entire school year without missing a single math problem? I was in G.A.T.E. and I never did it. I don't remember any of my peers ever doing it either but my son Chas has thus far. So far he has gotten every answer correct this year and that includes his classwork, homework and all of his tests. I can't begin to describe how proud of him I truly am but to give you a little perspective, I did get teary eyed when learning about it and when posting it on facebook.

    This nerd is on fire and although his award was for his "general excellence"... his current hot streak is the talk of his campus. It makes me feel accomplished when my son excels. it makes me feel like a winner when he wins. As a parent I worry just like most of you, that my children may not reach their potential because of my failures and even thou this may just be a small accomplishment considering my son's road ahead, it is bright light of joy indicating hope for the future.

    My boy has the brains. He is more than healthy! As long as I'm alive he has my love and support. After that it's just a matter if will and luck. Only time will tell if my son has the drive it will take to succeed but if he can find a way to motivate himself, I think he will be just fine.

    I love you Chas. All i want is for you to be better than me and love your kids enough to encourage the same. Over the past few years you have become my best friend and it might have saved my life. Keep up the good work young man... Papa is Proud of you!!!
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    Saturday, November 24, 2018

    Dear God - Please Forgive Me

    2:49 PM 0
    Dear God - Please Forgive Me

    Dear God.... I love you!. I thank you! I truly understand that you have protected me more than most. I know I have my doubts at times. Not to mention the outbursts and rants that I must apologize for. I get out of pocket sometimes but when I am looking in the rear view mirror I see that you have clearly been responsible for my strength. You have sent me angels and blessings time after time to protect me from demons, wrong turns, misfortune and even myself. So with the blood from the pit of my heart,... I am asking.. I am praying for your forgiveness

    I'm sorry I can't help it but no matter how bad I want to be a God... I am far from it. I was born into a world full of cheaters, liars, thieves and murderers. I adopted survival skills from the wicked, the selfish and the evil of this world. I allowed my morals and perspectives to be corrupted as I too became an ill minded sinner. I know deep down I wasn't born corrupted and you my lord must know that I never wanted to corrupt anyone or anything on this planet but the reality is.... I wasn't raised, I just grew up.

    So today I am praying that you can forgive me for my sins. It took me a long time to grow up and I shamefully admit that in the process my mistakes have negatively affected this world. It's affected my journey, the people I love and their journeys as well. For as long as I can remember I have been spiritual, growing up around Catholicism and Christianity. I have always yearned for truth, purpose and meaning of life. God I have always wanted to be your soldier to fight evil but somehow I ended up accepting certain evils for my convenience. Forgive me Please!

    I have lied to people with and without purpose. Robbed people to survive. Sold drugs to profit. I had accepted these ways of life. I let the world tell me it was okay. I let the mirror tell me that I could not be better but you knew my heart and because of it you protected me. I was young, alone and lost. I guess if anyone has an excuse for accepting such evils it was me.... but I could of been and should have been much better. I was weak and wrong. I am sorry for that and I'm not just apologizing to you my lord... but also to all my friends, classmates, neighbors and especially my family. Life would have been much more different if I had the fortitude of a young Bruce Wayne.

    God you know I am far from perfect. You know I have much more growing to do but lately I am starting to become somewhat proud of the person I have become. I think most that live a life like mine usually end up dying in the middle of their nightmares but seeing the person I have become has given me a sense of gratitude that I can't describe. I feel accomplished now! I feel like Wisdom is cooler than any super power I ever imagined. I feel like have succeeded because I know I am on the right track. So I thank you for giving the strength and luck I needed to survive to see the 2018 reflection of me. It's refreshing!

    I guess you have forgiven me or as much as a parent could but I doubt it is really a clean slate because I feel like the karma scale is not quite in my favor. I think you have forgiven me enough to still love me and I love you for that. I don't want that to change. So please forgive me if I was wrong at Calvary Chapel a few weeks ago. Forgive me anytime and every time I share my philosophy with humanity but I don't care what your name is. I don't care what your son's name is. I don't care if my neighbors calls you Buddha, Allah, Jesus, Yoshua, Yahweh or God. I am calling you God or Lord soooooo please forgive me IF I am wrong. In addition I don't care about belonging to specific religion. I might attend a church again someday to absorb the spiritual aspects I yearn for but my religion is called love and it will never be convoluted by money or politics. It will never be defined by one denomination.

    I must admit that I want you to ignore my gambling. I think many religious fanatics despise all types of gambling. Most of the religious world would classify gambling as a sin. So much so that I feel the need to ask you for forgiveness due to the stereotypes. However I have no weight on my shoulders and with my perspective I am praying for your forgiveness for all those like me around the globe. I might visit the casino twice a year. I might jump in the dice game at the homies. I might play DFS for the rest of my life but I am not ashamed.

    In this world there are so many short cuts in life. People are always looking to get something for nothing. Some take extra breaks at work. Some steal from the tip jar. Students cheat on tests. Cops steal money. Politicians corrupt elections. The hardcore will sell drugs or rob banks but no matter what the short cut in life is, that short cut is always immoral. When someone in this life takes a shortcut it generally revolves around some form of lie. That is not the case when I play Black Jack. That is not the case when I bet $100 on the Lakers. I can spend $20 on a fantasy football team and if I study hard enough and get lucky enough that $20 can become $1,000,000 and not matter what anyone says in life... I can never stop taking that chance because there is no other legal short cuts in life. In fact the hope of winning on Draft Kings, at times.... might be the only thing keeping me from robbing someone or some bank. So this dice slinger is asking his creator, My GOD please don't hold it against us.

    Finally my lord.. I don't think Sex is not a sin. It can't be! I must admit I have a passion for perversion but that is not a bad thing. Im not hurting anyone or disrespecting anyone. Enjoying sex is not bad and I won't let anyone tell me anything different. There are millions of mysteries about life but no matter what questions remain, no one can dispute the fact that a man and a women were meant for each other. Sex is spiritual. It's not only how we reproduce but it is indisputably tied to our love and happiness. Many people stereotype strip clubs, poly couples and the porn industry but the truth is I have no shame when it comes to my sexual desires. I have no shame because I am not hurting anyone. I know that all across the globe people use sex for power, manipulation, human trafficking and some do it for humiliation or pain. These are the sinners my lord. Those are the ones that deserve be cursed but there are many humans around the globe full of lust that truly deserve your forgiveness. Please don't hold it against the lovers, don't hold it against the romantic. If there is a human that keeps there perversions regulated to entertainment, healthy sex, true love and therapeutic happiness without hurting others or deceiving them.... please accepts their hearts. You made us this way so please accept me!

    With that said, aside from my perversion and my fantasy football teams there is nothing in my behavior that anyone can use to judge me. Aside from that I don't "SIN". I no longer lie to people. I didn't resort to selling drugs or rob people even thou I had to sleep in my truck last month. I don't  have any hate or prejudices against any genres of people for any reason. I don't practice evil or tolerate negativity. Somehow I have become a well rounded, generous, loyal, hard working, honest and helpful person. So if my few vices truly are "Sins" please remember my lord,... that there are millions that are worse than me. Please forgive me!
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    Monday, November 12, 2018

    Fall Recap - The New Job

    4:39 PM 0
    Fall Recap - The New Job


    It seems like ever since I started my new diary I have begun to see things much more clearly. The clarity is relieving but it really doesn't make life any easier. The ice I am skating on has never been thinner. I am barely surviving, barely eating and barely getting from point A to point B. I'm still alone, still searching for even more clarity and still broke. Evil and Bad Luck wont stop haunting me but just like the Shawn Mendes song says... I wont give up, it's not in my blood!

    Recently I had some disturbing events at the airport interfere with my happiness, my money and my goals. People I were honest with lied to me. People I were loyal to betrayed me. People I looked up to showed me their true colors and shattered the love I had for them. I think someday soon i will add an entry to my diary explaining how I got started at the Riverside Airport and what lead me to where I am now but until then I am presently looking forward to the next phase of my life.

    Regardless of the struggle, overall my Fall season of 2018 was progressive. I was able to improve my website and add to my new diary. I didn't miss a single day at the gym. I made a few new friends. I reacquired the domain for my Internet radio station which I aim to re launch before Christmas. Plus I got a new  night job that is bringing in more income and helping me stay out of trouble at night.

    This new night job is trip and I feel like I should share the struggle just in case your going through something similar. This place is a Pizza Sports Bar / Restaurant under new ownership and I am literally the newest and oldest employee. I was hired to wash dishes and handle the back of the house. I wanted to do this job because it's not only stress free and therapeutic for me but I know that it is one of the most important jobs of a restaurant with guaranteed hours. It's like the owner is really my client.. since me cleaning sooooo well is really an extension of my detail company's quality service. I like to call myself the Tasmanian Devil of Cleaning but the truth is it has nothing to do with skill or talents. lol. As always.. It's all about effort, pride and experience. So anyone over the age of 15 should know how to "clean" or do dishes but no matter where I go, what I do.. I am better than average Because I care and I try!

    So instead of being used sporadically to get acquainted with the flow of things. I have worked 19 out of 25 evenings and not just working... but working like I own the company. As a result of my tempo and work ethic I am picking up the slack of others employees. My 15 minute smoke breaks end up being 8 minutes. It's like I am literally getting the work of two people done and almost every co worker has noticed. Once co worker said the owner could never keep up with my pace.

    I am learning to fast. I am trying to hard. I am doing it for all the right reasons but it has already began to backfire. I didn't meet the so called "General Manager" until last week and I knew right away "He" was a drama queen. This "guy" has been a part of the company since it was owned by the previous manager so when he announced his job title arrogantly I immediately condemned him for the shape of this restuarant. This is the guy that is responsible for everything good and bad about this retuarant and he may very well be the reason the last owner had to sell. The new owner didnt go to pizza college or sports bar college. Regardless of his education buying a company like this for the first time is a hands on learning experience and the "new" owner cant fire the exisiting "general manager" becuase this general manager literally has  more expierence.

    I know this and the same common sense should be acknowledged by every other employee however I dont think there is a single person that is as "grateful" to be working there as I am. Its always about perspective and everyone is entitled to their own but I have to admit I wanted to beat the Generel Manager's Ass for his perspective and behaviors.

    I was already busting my ass. Running around as if I owned the place and I was the only there turning wheels. Dishes, tables, fryer, pizza boxes , pizzas and food prep when the owner asked me to clean the restrooms. He said " i cant get these guys to do it and it should be done every 2 hours." I said " every 2 hours... Dome" and I proceeded to get back to work. I have no problem cleaning toilets as long as I have gloves on and the truth is I volunteered to clean the restrooms my first night but the night manager told me not to worry about it because is was the morning shifts job.

    After I did the first to restrooms on the restaurants side I walked toward the 3rd and final restroom located on the bar side. I was gloved up carrying comet, windex and the antibacterial spray i bought for the owner and as I walked past the bar... All I heard was "man thats fucked up! They got you scrubbing toilets on your first day." I turned around and it was the so called "General Manager". He was drinkibg at the bar and he drunk as decided to follow me in the restroom.

    I was disgusted by this dude already. This bitch ass had the nerve to tease me about cleaning the restrooms when this company considers it a morning shift duty and he is morning shift manager. He dogged me out for no reason at all. So I was technically more than disgusted but he fucked up and the truth is I am sooo happy he did. He was drunk so even though he was trying to manipulate the situation he was really just diggging his own grave. He seen my Krazy Face full of disgust so he first pretended to act as if he came in to make me aware of the leaking sink. He said verbatim " Has anyone told you about this?" as he pointed toward the bucket under the sink catching the leaking drain water. I replied with an annoyed "nope" and he went in on the owner. This so called general manager named Adam said he told the owner but he was too cheap fix it. He then said He would of fixed it but he wasnt a plumber and then his drunk ass said " I'm pretty sure your not a plumber either so we just keep the bucket under there"

    I was more disgusted but blown away by his willingness to make this his first impression. I took one glance at the leak and quickly said..." I can fix that no problem, it just needs a new gasket". I'm not a plumber but the leak is more than visible and anyone with conmon sense or google could have diagnosed that problem. Like I said before.. Its usually about effort.

    It was at that moment he showed his true intentions. He snitched on himself and explained to me and God why he decided to dog me out. As I announced that I could fix the sink by replacing the gasket his faced twisted into fear strucken puzzled drunken puff of breath asking me " What do you do here?" And before I replied it dawned on me that it was my work ethic that he was scared of. It was my work ethic that triggered his complex to dog me out. It was my work ethic that backed him into a corner and caused him to play himself. It clicked faster than my brain could signal a response so I immediately turned my response into the ultimate mind fuck for this drunken vampire. I just replied by saying " I do everything" as I continued cleaning the toliet.

    Adam response was shocking. He drunk ass still thought he was in charge. He literally thought he was smarter than me and felt as if he was in control of the situation. This guy had the nerve to say "Well I think He (the owner) is taking advantage of you."

    Really? WTF!!!!!!

    God knows I wanted to smash his fruity mouth into the muthafuckin mirror and slice his vampire lips up sooooo bad that he could never suck another cock or kiss another asshole for work ever agian. I wanted make sure he had to work like me at his jext job.... But I held that day dream in check. In fact I didn't even tell him that I knew that the only reason this restroom is neglected is because he is dirty person and a poor manager. I held my emotions... I held in the truth... All because my kids deserve christmas presents and I need new tires but I couldnt hold in our interaction as the owner walked by me moments later. I felt so dirty holding it in. I just had to tell the owner. So i did and I also told him that I want him to take advantage of me,  I said.. " I'm here to work dude, I'm on your team". 

    Minimum wage was $8.50 last time I worked for another company and this is a perfect example of why. I was so grateful that the owner hired me, that the work ethic that I displayed to show my appreciation instilled fear into the self proclaimed "general manager". He tried to psychologically play me against the hand that was feeding us both. I could have not only lost my job but wound up in jail because of this human beings warped mind and irrational behaviors. Which leads me back to my original point.... You can't fault the brand new business owner that recently bought a business and has to learn on the fly. You fault the self proclaimed General Manager that has been there for 5 years playing games with other peoples time, money and lives. I would offered to run the bar and restaurant for the owner, I mean I could literally do everything for the owner so he could find another location to open up but I know deep down he isnt going to make it worth my while and there is no point of taking on that responsibility and commitment without being compensated appropriately. So I guess that is explains why Adam is still working there.

    Nothing and no one is perfect especially this new job but I dont tolerate evil So Adam is on my blacklist. I'm still working there but with him being a keyholder.. I have no idea how long that will last. Today I get my first real check from working there and after I buy new tires I am going to focus on finishing my Christmas shopping. It's getting cold. Winter is here and I'm focused on prepping for 2019 as I aim to make the new year my most successful and profitable year yet. I have alot of work to do but like I said in my intro I have a very progressive Fall.
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    Saturday, November 3, 2018

    Picnic with AJ

    4:18 PM 0
    Picnic with AJ

    Today it was just AJ and I at the Towngate Memorial Park in Moreno Valley. We had a much needed picnic, just the two of us lounging, talking and making each other laugh. AJ is my youngest and at 5 years of age he currently loves me more than anyone else on this planet does. Which is why I wanted today to be just the 2 of us.

    I brought a back pack full of goodies. Peanut butter and Jelly, cookies and Kool Aid Singles. I brought the wiffle balls and batting tee plus a surprise stocking stuffer I decided to give him early. Our morning got interesting before we even left the driveway as a neighbor of my Ex asked me to him help jump start his PT Cruiser. We did and the fella gave me a few dollars for helping, which I immediately gave to AJ.

    AJ had a few dollars burning a hole in his pocket so he asked me to take him to the dollar store. We ended up going inside Fallas and the dollar store next door. In all my little guy purchased some slime, sticky tape, an oversized pen and a mini dart gun. We literally wasted the money but it is what made him happy... and those smiles are priceless! After that I took him to Winco Grocery Store because I wanted to show him the giant barrels of candy. I told him he could pick out a few and I would treat him if he shared the leftovers with his brother and sister.

    Once we got to the park I gave him his stocking stuffer. He is holding it up in the picture I attached to this entry. You cant tell in the pic but there is also a Batman and Wonder woman, inside of the Harley Quinn toy. I knew he would love it after getting familiar with these characters at Six Flags Magic Mountain. This little guy is soooo funny. He bought the sticky tape to put over his mouth. He bought the Oversized pen to show me he learned how to write the word DAD at school. Of course he tried to shoot my eyes out with the dart gun and eventually I showed him how to make a pizza crust with his ball of slime.

    AJ was on the playground with other kids. I was listening to radio, making the sandwiches and praying with gratitude for being able to enjoy such a moment. We took some batting practice and just talked for a few minutes. AJ told me how school was going, he said he really likes Kindergarten even thou a lot of the kids are mean. AJ said one boy scratched him with a broken pencil. Then told me one boy created a lie to tell about him. So he said he doesn't want to be friends with them. I couldn't help but tear up a little bit. He is a boy and I do expect him to be strong, tough and learn to absorb the cruelty of this world without letting it destroy him but it really is depressing to see him learning that lesson in his first few month of Kindergarten.

    I tried to avoid such a school environment. When My daughter started school I moved my family into the cheapest apartment that was still in range of Riverside best Elementary School. My Son with there too but after my Ex and I separated she moved back to Moreno Valley. So AJ isn't going to the best Elementary School in Riverside, instead he is going to one of the most ghetto school in Moreno Valley. The teachers care less, the academic expectations and curriculum are not as advanced or efficient and it's apparent that the children's behaviors are worse. I knew the diffference between districts, communities, and lifestyle. I wanted better for my children but AJ got short changed because me and his mother seperated. So I promised AJ that he would be back in Riverside for 1st grade.

    We had a good day, in fact it was a great day and this is one of the main reasons I created this diary. I don't want to ever forget this day. Now it is documented forever! It was a great memory and the Kodak moment can be reflected on, not only by myself or AJ but also the rest of family as well,... even thou they were not there with us. I love this guy so much and he deserves for his father to be the best he can be. So I'm trying and even thou he knows it now, hopefully this diary will make sure he never forgets it. 
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