Hey Bonnie, I know you are out there somewhere and one day you will find this diary, hopefully sooner than later. To be honest you're part of the reason I started this blog. Like I said before,.. I always do things for multiple reasons and this blog wasn't just so I could vent for my mental health, share my wisdom with my children or so i could talk to God but I think this diary could eventually be the best chance I have finding you. Being single while creating this blog, I knew one day this diary of mine would be very important to serve as the ultimate filter weeding out gold diggers, mall rats & social media whores. So that I am not distracted when I finally find My Bonnie, My Octavia Blake , My Harley Quinn.
Opening up to strangers is not easy, even when you have hope they are the one for you. So this just might be the way for a guy like me. One thing is for sure, It certainly wont hurt as much as dating the wrong people.
One night I was on a date at Lake Alice in Riverside. I wasn't drinking but it is a Historic Bar Downtown that my date suggested because she wanted to drink. We were shooting pool and getting to know each other for a few hours when she decided to ask about my family. I told her about me being kidnapped as a child. She literally called me a liar and I think she had the perspective that I wanted her "Sympathy Love/Sex" but either way, she doubted me and had the nerve to say it to my face. So her brain not only cost her a fun date, potential boyfriend but also cost her a potentially good long term friend.
I was a little butt hurt about it but I know that it is the way of the world that causes people to act like this so I knew it had nothing to with me or my character and eventually realized that that would be the last time I tell my story on a date. From now on each date is all bout fun and when my date asks me to tell them more about myself I will send her a link to Presley's Diary and get back to having fun.
So to all the potential Bonnie's in the world, it's not just this new entry but this whole diary is for you because I truly hope you are a major part of my finally chapters, my happy ending. I hope that when you read it God allows you to hear my tone, without misperceiving my intentions. I am a good man that wants to be great. I am a better a parent than my parents but I can be soooo much better!
I have suffered my whole life being a love neglected, lost child. For as long as I can remember I have been searching for a real love, real family and real home. I have told a few people over the past year that I feel like I'm stuck in this purgatory of quick sand. It's like my subconscious is refusing to move forward without "My Bonnie". I tried to snap out of it but I can't. The heart wants what it wants! I don't like drunk casual sexual encounters with strangers. I don't want to be a player. I just want my Bonnie... and just like very other man, I do have my fingers crossed that she is a true bisexual.
I have never had a Ride or Die Chick. No die hard to ride the bus with me. No one to hustle with. I can't even find someone to ride a roller coaster with. I need you Bonnie! No one loves me for me and I think that my life is totally different because of it. For an example my cell phone has 3 dating apps on it right now. I don't have enough free space to download instagram and other apps I can use as tools to make money but I refuse to delete the dating apps to make space because I need love. Like I said.... All I want is my Bonnie and that is just one small example of what how distracting and counter productive "the search" for Bonnie can be. Not to mention all the great things we could have accomplished together if we met in Jr High School. Yes my life is different because of it but it is what it is right?
The truth is my baby momma loved me more than anyone else in my life ever has. Even to this day, she would let me borrow money if I needed it. In fact she is the only person I would even ask for a loan and we really could live together again because she is that chill but the truth is I'm not. She loves me but she didn't love me more than anything in this world. She didn't love me, as much as I loved her. She didn't love me enough to change or grow. I recorded over 100 songs including a valentines day song for her and she probably doesn't even remember one single lyric from it. I produced way more beats and throughout it all she never once gave me good or bad criticism. I use to beg her to help me when I was working at the club because I needed someone I could trust to collect the money at the door but she refused. There are soooo many times I asked her to do something for me or suggested she do something for herself and she flat out refused or ignored me. She has no passions, no goals and no hobbies. My Ex has no desire for higher education and doesn't really care if the kids go to college either. I once asked her " You really don't care if the kids work fast food?" and her reply was "It's a job"
She isn't the one for me....but that's because she doesn't want to be. She could have tried but she refused. I may not now what true love it but I do know it is not that. She refused to be my housewife and kept her job, not to survive or make due but as a declaration of Independence. Her stubborn need for Independence was also her way of telling me she didn't trust me or believe in me. That hurts a man, especially when he is in love. It really gets to me sometimes cause I cant help but day dream about how my family and life would be if only she moved in with me in 2003 and treated me like her king. I even proposed to her 3 times and she refused each time. She refused to let me turn her into a queen and for the record she looks like the GREEN FIONA while 9 out of 10 women on Tinder look better.
Nevertheless I still love her... more than anyone else in my life, even more than my kids. When I mention her in this diary it's not to ever talk bad about her... But only explain my point view and share my pain. She is not a bad person, she isn't a bad mom but she isn't my best friend. and she would be the first to admit that she isn't the one for me.
See what I have learned is that I need someone that is all about me. It might sound selfish but I am not asking for something I'm not willing to give. Technically.. we should eventually become a team, and then it would become all about "us". Its suppose to be about our lives, our family, our success and our happiness. It might sound impossible to find especially considering most woman my age have kids, not to mention their schooling or careers. Plus I have learned the hard way that I wont even be treated as an equal let alone find a single mother to love me and trust me enough to give me 110%. No one will ever put me first, even when the situation is deserving. Even when Im right, doing things for the right reason.. These fake Bonnies refuse to comply, due to the selfish defensive stubbornness that have adopted into their characters. I was dating one woman ( Dr. Diaz, Diary Entry Coming Soon) 2 years ago who's child was 11 months old and not even standing up. It was her first child but we all know every child should be walking between 11-13 months old. She didn't have a training walker or nothing. I basically taught him how to walk, treated this Lil guy like he was my own. However Dr Diaz never trusted me enough to take my advice either. Even that first day I told her that her son was behind schedule walking she said the Doctor said it was normal for him not to be walking yet. I almost flipped out before I thought to ask about the timing of his last Doctors visit, (lol) he was only 6 or 7 month months at the time visit so of course the doctor would say that but because it was 4 month ago. Maybe she would have known better if Dr Diaz was a real Doctor. Smh! She didn't treat me as an equal, even thou i treated her son like mine. instead she used her son, her ex, her babysitting, work and other excuses to keep me from being number #1.
The struggle is real. It's so real that I just realized I could never say everything I need to say in one blog entry. I could never fit it all into an online dating bio and I could never explain it all in just one date. So I decided moments ago that this is the first of many letters I will write to my Bonnie. That means Dear Bonnie - Part 2 is coming soon. Until then..... Be Good!
See what I have learned is that I need someone that is all about me. It might sound selfish but I am not asking for something I'm not willing to give. Technically.. we should eventually become a team, and then it would become all about "us". Its suppose to be about our lives, our family, our success and our happiness. It might sound impossible to find especially considering most woman my age have kids, not to mention their schooling or careers. Plus I have learned the hard way that I wont even be treated as an equal let alone find a single mother to love me and trust me enough to give me 110%. No one will ever put me first, even when the situation is deserving. Even when Im right, doing things for the right reason.. These fake Bonnies refuse to comply, due to the selfish defensive stubbornness that have adopted into their characters. I was dating one woman ( Dr. Diaz, Diary Entry Coming Soon) 2 years ago who's child was 11 months old and not even standing up. It was her first child but we all know every child should be walking between 11-13 months old. She didn't have a training walker or nothing. I basically taught him how to walk, treated this Lil guy like he was my own. However Dr Diaz never trusted me enough to take my advice either. Even that first day I told her that her son was behind schedule walking she said the Doctor said it was normal for him not to be walking yet. I almost flipped out before I thought to ask about the timing of his last Doctors visit, (lol) he was only 6 or 7 month months at the time visit so of course the doctor would say that but because it was 4 month ago. Maybe she would have known better if Dr Diaz was a real Doctor. Smh! She didn't treat me as an equal, even thou i treated her son like mine. instead she used her son, her ex, her babysitting, work and other excuses to keep me from being number #1.
The struggle is real. It's so real that I just realized I could never say everything I need to say in one blog entry. I could never fit it all into an online dating bio and I could never explain it all in just one date. So I decided moments ago that this is the first of many letters I will write to my Bonnie. That means Dear Bonnie - Part 2 is coming soon. Until then..... Be Good!
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